Circe is crying again, to be honest, she might not have stopped since we arrived back in the Badlands a few days ago. You would think by now that she would have cried her body dry but her big blue eyes continue to pour forth enough water that it would flood the deserts. She’s young, and loves quickly and wholly, her entire soul is given on the slightest whim; such boundless tears are the symptom of youthful misery. I long to see her smile once again but I fear it may never be as bright and gleaming, eternally smudged by such a grief as this. 

Merope is the opposite, all fury and anger at Helena’s passing. An untamed Vulcan temper combined with the pain of a young woman who has lost her mentor. Word has it Bib had to walk her out of The Sundeck last night after she launched a chair across the lounge in her overwhelming grief. It’s only a rumour for now and Bib is determined it remains that way, so all eyes swear they were closed last night. All agree a grieving sister deserves that at least, when the pain is so raw, so complete. 

And I am simply, sad, I suppose. To lose Helena is a dagger, to lose the Tyll symbiote doubly so. The young woman had so much promise and untapped opportunity if she had only sat still long enough to realise it. She was always leaping from this project to the next, bourne not out of impatience but of desperation, worried that she might miss something wonderful and exciting.  In the end, that relentless energy almost brought her back to us. Only Helena could have survived an interstellar transit in a broken Valkyrie, only Helena could have managed to break free of her captives and save the day, only Helena could have been lost venturing into the unknown of Underspace. I miss her. I miss her so much, but I have a responsibility to my sisters, to take them in hand and lead them in our mourning song. 

The Badlands – Before the Underspace event

“I’m sure you’re cheating.” Helena leered across the chess table at Astris, her hand hovering above an ornately carved jade knight, its green mane anxious to leap forward. 

“Are you saying that because you’re losing?”

“I’m not losing”.

“Four.” Astris smiled smugly, playing with a sacrificial pawn from earlier in the game, rolling its smooth tip around her palm, massaging her ageing muscles. “Check in four.”

Helena threw her hands in the air. “Absolutely not! There is no way you’re ready to check.” she cried, eliciting sideways smiles from a group of nearby officers, quietly enjoying their evening meal. The pair’s ongoing weekly chess game on the Sundeck had become a fixture for the crew since their redeployment to the Cardassian border, a small chalkboard had even appeared behind the lounges bar to track their wins, it swung heavily to Astris’ side. “How are you so good at this?”

“Time Helena. Lots and lots of time.” Astris chuckled, returning the pawn to her row of jade pieces, neatly stacked as prisoners along the side of the white stone board. “There’s not a lot to do on those old freighters whilst they chug along at warp 5.”

“Bullshit you were going warp 5.” Helen tilted her head as she pouted her lips slightly. “It wasn’t the days of Archer and co.”

“Mama’s old hunker rattled if you went above warp 5.2 and just because Starfleet was zipping around burning up the universe didn’t mean that the civilians were.” Astis looked over her imaginary glasses, summoning her most wizened face. “Warp 5 was good enough for an ore hauler out of Bolarus.” She smiled as her thoughts drifted, “Gave plenty of time for me and daddy to play at pirates and watch the stars…”

“And become a chess grandmaster?” Helena finally committed to her choice, leaping the jade knight over the crenelations of an obsidian-carved rook. 

Astris quickly surveyed the board before lifting a half-hidden bishop and gliding it across the board towards Helena’ fortified king. “I wouldn’t say grandmaster.” She lifted her hand from the piece and looked up to the trill woman opposite with a smile. “Check in three.”

“This isn’t the right game for me.”

“Then why do keep asking for a rematch?”

“I don’t like being bad at it.” Helena rubbed her temples in frustration. 

Astris smiled again, the young woman was her favourite of the Heliades’ surrogate sisters, she reminded Astris of her mother, always looking for the next opportunity and endlessly frustrated whenever her father attempted to convince her to try putting down roots again. She lived to fly, she would sit and twitch whenever they were aboard a station or planet, staying still wasn’t in her nature. Astris had caught Helena doing it more than once too. “Maybe it’s just the way I learned.” Helena lifted one eyebrow in interest as she continued to take in the board. “A chess board takes on a different feel in zero gravity. Everything does.”

“Zero-g?” Helena’s attention lifted from the marble board back to the older woman, reclining in her chair, a light woven shawl wrapped loosely across her shoulders. “Are you telling me that you’re good at chess because everything floated away?”

“Not entirely, but in zero gravity every movement takes planning and consideration or you’ll end up far off course.” Astris leant forward, “Everything has a momentum.” She touched the top of a small obsidian pawn, “I move a pawn, which causes you to move your knight, which causes me to move my bishop and so on. In zero gravity it’s much the same, my touch causes the crate to move, which pushes the vat which presses the button which opens the door just as I’m floating towards it. Each step requires planning. The key is making the right move that will influence the desired result.”

Helena furrowed her brow, her eyes darting back and forth between Astris and the board, then to the rumbling orange clouds that made up the Badlands beyond the lounge’s gigantic windows. After a few moments, she leapt to her feet and began striding towards the corner of the lounge where the room naturally narrowed to a corridor. 

“Where are you going?” Astris called after her, still collecting herself after the young woman’s sudden burst of energy.

“I need to go speak to David, i’ve had a thought about the test mission.” Helena called back. 

“And it’s not because you’re losing?”

Helena stopped in her tracks and turned back to the older woman, happily reclined in her plush wingback chair. “Were you even close to checkmate or were you just trying to make me stumble? A little push to get your desired result?” Astris smiled sweetly, a gentle shrug bouncing off her shoulders. “Cheater.” Helena hissed with a teasing smile before turning on her heel and making for the exit again. “Don’t touch that board, I’m coming back to win! Love you!” Astris allowed a laugh to tumble from her lips as she pulled the scarf around her shoulders, basking in the warm glow of the badlands beyond the window. 

It’s been two weeks now and the chess set hasn’t moved, no one can bring themselves to end the game that Helena was so determined she was coming back for. Astris passes by sometimes, and hovers over it, half considering tidying it away. It seems unfair to allow it to continue taking up space both physically and mentally. But as she pulls back her shawl and reaches out her wrinkled hand, it always comes to a shuddering stop. Sometimes she chokes back a tear, sometimes she isn’t able to. She leaves the jade and obsidian armies to sit perpetually on the table, awaiting generals who will never return, the crew’s small memorial to a woman who has gone ahead to chart the path. 

One day she finds a young ensign sitting at the table, considering the pieces as she toys with her long blonde plait. Everyone in the lounge holds their breath, but Astris simply sits and with a hand motions to the pieces, “Check in three.”