A few days had passed since their trip to ‘Arin Land’, the holodeck program that Arin Jones had created to fly, drive and generally enjoy herself with hobbies varied and interesting. Lavender had spent some time after the visit wrangling with the thought that it would be cool to do something similar, and yet she didn’t have a similar program, in fact other than some work related things, holo-encyclopedias, simulations for practicing medical skills and the like, Lavender only had one complex programme. It was time Arin saw it. The pair had arranged to meet after their shift, after some food. Lavender sent a text note to Arin saying she had the holodeck booked and sent her some pictures and ideas of what to wear to fit in where they were going. Something cool, but practical. She didn’t tell Arin what the pictures were. They were of M’talan gang members. Lavender gave only one other instruction: ‘wear quiet shoes’.

Lavender’s long hair about her shoulders whipped from side to side as she peered both ways down the corridor waiting for her girlfriend to arrive. She sported a long sleeve black dress, the arms, shoulders and neck line of which were all a sort of black lace-like weave, connecting into a solid black main body in a straight line just above her bust and descending to a flippy a-line skirt that went half-way down her thigh. With it, flat-soled leather knee-highs, and some sort of fake leather jacket with a hood. Again, her makeup and jewelry were gothic, intricate, and individual.

It took a bit of time for Arin to pick out what she wanted to wear. Finally, she hit on the combination. Color-matched camel-toned jeans, tan combat boots, a white tight t-shirt, and a sports bra. White pearl earrings, red lipstick, eyeliner, and she was ready to go grabbing a color-matched sherpa-lined jeans jacket.

Tying her past-shoulder-length hair back in a red ponytailer, she walked off the turbo-lift and around the corner. You wouldn’t need to be an empath to see there was some agitation as she watched Lavender fidget slightly, then relax as she saw Arin walk up. “My fault. I had trouble getting this right. Was I worth the wait?” Arin said, as gave Lavender a quick hug and kiss. Lavender returned them and nodded. She seemed troubled.

“Always. A refined more higher end version perhaps, but you could pass for all number of things, a gang boss perhaps. Or a wealthy off-worlder.” She continued after a short pause, staring slightly unfocussed at the lapel of Arin’s jacket, choosing her words.

“I don’t really have fun programmes. I have work ones… and these. It isn’t going to be a laugh riot,” she explained looking up into Arin’s amber eyes. “But I think it’s important I show them to you.”

“Of course, Love. If it is important to you, then yes. Absolutely.” Arin said, gazing back at Lavender’s now purple eyes. Contacts. but it did enhance her nonetheless.

“Come on.”

Lavender waved Arin forward and they entered the holodeck.

Slightly unexpectedly perhaps the room was almost completely empty, the familiar yellow holomatrix grid spanning every surface. Standing in the middle of the empty-holodeck was a static, unmoving woman. She looked a lot like Lavender, but was taller, fuller of build, with darker skin and brown eyes. Her clothes were plain and somewhat less stylised than Lavender’s, simple trousers, bare feet and a v-neck tee in a faded red tone. Her dark hair was full and wavy. Around her neck was a simple silver chain with a small teardrop pendant crafted from some purple gem or stone. If Arin was observant she might realise she had seen the pendant before.

“Arin, this is Sofia Agnelia Garcia Reyes De la Mora. Mom, Arin.” Lavender walked up to the static woman and regarded her for a moment before looking back towards Arin. “She doesn’t have a personality matrix, I don’t remember enough to make it accurate and I’ll burn in the fire of a hundred stars before some computer algorithm starts guessing shit about my Mom.

Knowing it would be important when she heard Mom, Arin lightly curtsied and said “Wonderful to meet you, Sofia.” Her brow wrinkled and the elevens showed up on Arin’s forehead. “Where have I seen…that photo cube in your quarters.”

She walked around assessing Sofia for a second. “So that’s where the hotness comes from.” Arin offered genuinely.

Lavender smiled the smile of a child, watching Arin.

“Yeah, that’s right. When I left M’talas I had the clothes on my body, a makeup bag, my papers, and that holo image. She’s beautiful isn’t she? She’s twenty-nine there, the same age as when she died. The same age as I am now. Bet you wouldn’t have guessed I’m a quarter Mexican. Mom was half American and half Mexican, and Dad half English and half Bulgarian. That plus the melting pot of M’talas is where my weird accent comes from.” Lavender took her in for a moment.

“Sometimes I come here just to be with her. I miss her so much. I spend time sometimes wondering how she would be now if she’d managed to escape from Dad.” Lavender took a deep breath and her lower lip trembled slightly, as if she were thinking something but not saying it. Lavender and her mother stared at one another head-on, one very much alive, the other the only holo-image of a woman many years passed.

“My middle name is Sofia,” Lavender went on, steeling herself. “I was supposed to be Lavender Sofia Haigh Garcia de la Mora, but Dad wouldn’t have it. I should change it, it’s what Mom would have wanted, but I didn’t when I first came to the Federation, it would have made things more complicated and I just wanted to accept my citizenship and move on.”

Trying to elicit the response Lavender wanted Arin asked, “Do you want to change your name?” Then paused waiting for a response, when her brain blurted out, “Hmmm….Arin Haigh Garcia de la Mora.” She said adding a cheese-eating smirk, knowing it would bug Lavender, but hoping to break the tension.

“Seriously, if that is something you want and it’s irritating you, make a few changes. Reinvent yourself a bit.” Arin said, changing her tone “From what you’ve already told me, it’s something you should consider.”

“Heh, bullshit. It’s Lavender Jones or ye can get te feck, Lavender countered in Arin’s Irish accent. She continued normally, still staring at the visage of her mother.

“I could. Although if I wrote out darling father it’d be Lavender Sofia Garcia Reyes de la Mora. Just as if he didn’t exist. But that’s besides the point. Say goodbye to mom, we have a journey to take. Computer, end programme and load programme Lavender Haigh two, latest version.”

Sofia disappeared and the uniform yellow grid melted into a vibrant city street. It was dark, that is to say, it was night time, yet darkness never truly fell. The many lights that made up district six of M’talas Prime saw to that, lighting up the clouds in oranges, purples, pinks and greens. Arin and Lavender stood on a pedestrianised thoroughfare lined with darkened but well kept buildings. A few people made their way along the rows, dwarfed by the buildings alongside which were a minimum of four storeys but most quite a few more. For all its splendour the street gave a vibe of iniquity and filth. The glass fronts of some of the more extravagant erections were spotlessly clean and shone the reflections of the hundreds of light sources around them and yet something felt dirty about the whole situation. Perhaps it was the way the inhabitants shuffled quickly about their business, heads down, eyes elsewhere, perhaps the splendor of construction was cheapened by the gaudy neons and discarded refuse that littered the paving, perhaps it was the dubious fashions of passers by that were modern and stylish yet smacked of greed and corporate servitude. The atmosphere was warm and sweet like a soda pop designed to hook the drinker into a lifetime of sugar addiction for profit with no scruples of the human cost.

“Welcome to M’talas Prime!” Lavender said with faux sickly enthusiasm and hopped up idly onto the rim of a planter containing the galaxy’s sturdiest plants (they would have to be) and balanced on the edge like a child making a plaything out of whatever was around them.

“Now, you tell me. You said dress cool. I was thinking temperature.” Arin said, chuckling. “I’ve read about this place.” Her anxiety shot up a bit. She didn’t mind being around other people. Other Orions she didn’t know were another matter. “They are only holograms.”  Arin thought to herself. It took her a second to force a genuine smile.

“Computer. Stow the jacket.” Arin said, peeling off the jacket. “Add the following, taser collapsible baton with holster, combat knife, and bomber jacket. Change my appearance. Give me a pixie-cut hairstyle. Don’t forget the cigars this time you glorified toaster.” The scene shifted as the items appeared. Strapping the small baton to her right leg. the knife cross-draw and donned the bomber jacket.

“My people, remember,” Arin said. “Scum of the sector.” Arin said matter of factly. She wasn’t mad. “NOW, I’m ready.”

Lavender stopped her balancing game and rolled her eyes at Arin.

“Okay, cancel Red Alert, Lieutenant, it’s not the whole planet just this one block, and most of the characters aren’t really interactable. Chill.”

“Yeah, I’m the only one with issues in this relationship,” Arin said sarcastically then stuck out her tongue. Making sure to bump her shoulder against Lavender as a love tap. “Lead on MacDuff.” She said, winking at her girlfriend.

Lavender blinked back, the reference entirely lost on her but did as she was told and hopped off the planter and set off down the street.

“Not being part of the Federation getting an accurate recreation of M’talas Prime took some time, especially for someone technologically challenged like your favourite gothic pain in the ass over here,” Lavender explained as they walked. “I didn’t model District Seven, not sure why I would model that shit hole.” After only thirty seconds or so of walking they arrived outside the most prominent and glass-ridden of the large skyscrapers that dominated the area. The frontage was composed of a wall of glass (or more likely transparent aluminium) that was probably thirty feet high and at least eighty across and afforded the passer-by an intimate view of the plushly appointed lobby filled with high end furnishings and perfectly kept flora in expensive looking pots. At the long and imperious reception that spanned much of its width sat three security guards watching a bank of monitors hidden from view by the top of the marble-fronted desk-fortress they held. The rest of the tower was slightly smaller in footprint than this gargantuan entrance and jutted out of the centre in a perfect square that rose hundreds of feet into the smoggy air.

Arin turned to Lavender, sticking out her hand. “Hi. I’m Arin Jones, your techy girlfriend.” She said waiting for the light bulb moment to happen. “All you have to do is ask. We can modify it eight ways to Sunday. Goof.” She bumped her shoulder playfully again adding a wink.

“Heh.” The sound Lavender made was derisive but wasn’t aimed at Arin per se. “Thanks but I don’t want to model anymore of this dump. The main point of the program is over here. You’ll see.”

Arin followed her girlfriend, wondering what was about to be revealed. Hangar Island, what Arin called her program had been an interesting date, this could be an equally enlightening moment. There was still so much to learn about each other.

Lavender set off for an alley between this skyscraper and the one it dwarfed on its right side. Unlike the impressive front facade, this wasn’t all glass, but it wasn’t a seedy back alley either. It was quite wide, perhaps twenty to twenty-five feet, and served more as service access. There were a few items of building infrastructure built into the walls but another entrance to the building soon appeared beyond, much, much smaller than the one they had already seen, a solid transparent sliding security door, ceiling height and about four feet wide flanked by a similar-sized window on each side. Lavender popped her hood up and looked about them furtively checking nobody was around to observe. “Keep your head down, away from the cameras,” she told Arin before walking to the wall next to the door and pressing a particular spot on the wall. A cloaked biometric hand-scanner appeared and Lavender flattened her palm onto it. Oddly enough it accepted her and the door whirred open.

“C’mon, quick,” she said to Arin. “Head down. Stay silent.” Once inside Lavender entered Meerkat mode again, scanning the hallway in front of them. While obviously a service corridor with doors leading from it with an assortment of very dull but essential-sounding labels such as ‘facilities’, and ‘ventilation control’, it was still lavishly appointed. The walls and floors were seemingly finished with the same or very similar stone, a cream marble style, each piece three feet across and perhaps four high. The lights were bright compared to the dull alley they had come in from, recessed somewhere near the ceiling, their white light bouncing everywhere on the polished stone. Lavender moved quickly but suddenly halted, holding her hand up to signal the stop. Everything about her was at full alert.

“Okay,” Arin whispered, flipping the collar up on her bomber jacket. Sticking close to Lavender, she crouched and moved as quietly as she could, mimicking her girlfriend’s path as she would know the dangers far better. She gave Lavender a look with a head tilt and a look of confusion. Frozen in her tracks, Arin’s senses were heightened, similar to those of her partner.

What it was seemed to be a guilty pleasure and Arin was intrigued that she would program something she had to break in to enjoy, but so far, she was interested, that was for sure.

Lavender grabbed Arin and flattened the pair of them into a recessed doorway as a security guard walked past the far end of the corridor.

It was a sudden move that sent Arin’s mind to pause. She held her breath, as much to keep silent as to enjoy the closeness.

When all was safe again Lavender waved her partner forward and the two padded quietly up the corridor. With furtive glances toward the Lobby Lavender shoulder-pushed a large manual door that led into a stairwell. This area wasn’t as nicely appointed in shiny cream marble, instead being mostly concrete and metal. Hardly anyone saw the stairs these days, they were purely for fire codes, everyone used the clutch of Turbo lifts in the lobby instead. As Lavender moved into the space lights under the cold metal railings came on automatically with the motion, bathing the steps that wound both upwards and downwards from their floor.

“Up for a workout?” Lavender asked quietly once the door had closed, putting a foot on the first stair on the ascending case.

“All in girl. You’re my ride or die.” Arin added with a genuine smile.

The two women climbed for a few minutes, storey after storey all melting into one. As they did Lavender explained how she’d gained access to the real version of the building on M’talas Prime some fifteen years before.

“One of our regulars tried to rip us off,” she told Arin in between puffs. “A guy called Stewart, ratty dude but he could talk some talk. I found out and he begged me not to tell the bosses. So I traded silence for this. Access to an eighteen-storey skyscraper. He worked here in some menial tech job, and added my palm-print to security in the name of some ancient shareholder or board member or something who never came here anyway. If anyone asks I’m eighty three and my name is Rufus Lin…”

“Well Rufus, tell me your secret. You don’t look a day over twenty-three. ” Arin quipped and added wink.. “So mystery building. Got it.” Arin let Lavender tell the story in her own way.

“You’ll see why in a minute,” Lavender replied with a smile.

Eventually and after a good few more floors the stairs ended abruptly as if sliced in half by a wall and sat in the middle of that wall, another manual door. Lavender’ thumbprint released the women from the stairwell and another shoulder barge of the heavy door deposited them into the bright night air. Lavender took Arin’s hand and like an excited puppy tugging on a lead dragged her to the edge of the roof space dodging vents and HVAC units until the whole of district six was visible, sprawled out below them like multicoloured fire flies dancing in the glow of a camp fire. The roar of the city was present but muted, far away and unimposing. Shuttles emerged through the swirling clouds a few blocks away landing on pads that encircled a giant tower, the only one thereabouts taller than the one on which the women stood.

She tried to keep up, Lavender insistent and impassioned as she led both of them to the edge. Arin instantly saw the appeal. Mesmerized by the sight, they stood in silence taking in the ambience and moment. “It’s like closing the door on the noise and Christmas all in one.” Arin said looking at the city below and hive of activities muted in sound but not sight.

“This was my only escape,” Lavender explained, looking over the familiar view, the winds aloft blowing her hair like a star in a music video until it changed direction and whipped into her face. “Teej probably would pounded on me if he found out I made this trade rather than ratting on Stewart. But he never did. I needed this. I had no space, little autonomy. Up here I could find some sort of beauty, relief from the constant vigilance, people always watching me. It’s like…” Lavender took a deep breath. “Have you ever been in a place where you’re just surviving, you hate pretty much everything, you hold on to the small good things that you have in a sea of shit and when the sea is gone and you’re on dry land years later… Sometimes the only way you can cope is to be back at sea again? Do you get what I mean?”

“I think I do. No judgment or scrutiny up here. Whether you want to rage against the machine, or decompress after a long day. Almost meditative.”

Arin watched the view the same way Lavender was. Becoming the big spoon, Arin enfolded Lavender in front of her as they enjoyed the moment. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” Arin wrapped her arms around Lavender’s torso, with her head resting against Lavender. The doctor closed her eyes feeling her fake lashes rest on her cheeks and, for a short while existed only in the moment, the feeling of Arin’s arms grounding her, shielding her from letting her mind truly run free to places of trauma that existed behind her eyelids. A change on the wind had her hair whipping against her face again and the moment was broken.

“I’d like to share something with you. Something I don’t really share even with people who know about my childhood. It’s kind of what motivates me, makes me such a workaholic, such a loner.”

Brushing the lock of hair from Lavender’s face, Arin said. “Of course. You always have a safe space in me. Though you might need to keep a shillelagh handy for the rocks in my head.” She added with a gentle smile, looking at her friend and now lover with warmth.

Lavender nodded, steeling herself for what was ahead.

“I know this is fucking intense,” she started. “I know. It’s not fun like Arin land. But shit, if you want the real me, nothing held back, here it is so strap in. I was confused for fucking years, right? On the night my Mom died…. was killed, she kinda provoked him. Dad. It took me a long time to piece together exactly what happened but I remembered after the Manitoba was destroyed and I was trying to unpick that glorious pile of trauma in my head, I remembered somehow that Dad was coming for me. Mom got the brunt of his abuse, but I got some too. Before then I had always been focused on the actual trauma of her dying in my arms and… the events leading up to it were cloudy, but somehow being actually faced with mortality shook a couple of things loose. Don’t ask me how ’cause I don’t fucking know. I remembered that he came home, he was drunk, broke, nothing new there and I already knew that my Mom scolded him which was fucking dangerous and I could never quite work out why. I thought it was poor judgement, I thought somehow despite years of his shit that she had misjudged. But she hadn’t.” Lavender’s lip started to tremble and she turned, breaking Arin’s hold a little to look up at the Orion. Her voice went higher than its normal sultry drawl, it was the sound of pain, of hysteria.

“I remembered that on that night he was coming for me. For some reason he was set on bouncing me off the wall. And Mom gave him something he couldn’t back-down from, she challenged him, she made him sound stupid, he had failed, he had let us down and his ego couldn’t take that and she knew that.” Tears started to run down Lavender’s cheeks, happily free of black due to Lavender’s foresight in using waterproof makeup. “I remember thinking at the time why was she doing this? Why was she provoking him and that surely she knew better. She did! Of course she did! She did it on purpose Arin.” The falling tears turned into a flood and Lavender wiped some from her cheek with irritation.

“She did it on purpose. She was protecting me. I… I don’t think she expected him to take it that far. I’ll never know if she saw something particularly dangerous in him that night or if she was just trying to save me from another beating, save the family from more scrutiny… she was protecting me. She sacrificed herself for me. And all I have of her is this locket and one damned picture!” Lavender buried her head in Arin’s shoulder and started to sob.

Arin held her while she cried, shushing her as she held her tightly. It brought back so many feelings her mother and how her father had protected her. Sympathetic tears fell as the years came rushing back. It wasn’t about her right now though, as she rocked them tightly.

A few minutes later when they had both recovered, Arin lifted Lavender’s face with both hands, looking straight into her eyes. “Yes, she was protecting you. The mysteries are the worst of it I think—the suspecting but not one million percent knowing. ” She paused.

“Well know this Lavender Haigh. I am your protector now.” She said, planting a quick kiss on her nose for effect before adding, “I like knowing I have a kindred spirit in my foxhole as it were. No one will fight harder for you. That, I can promise. Especially since I see the fighter in you. This is something you won’t face alone.” Arin said, her hands still on her face.

Lavender nodded, the waterproof makeup having mitigated some but not all of the onslaught. She opened her mouth to say something a few times but didn’t quite formulate anything for a moment or two.

“I hate what happened to you,” she said. “But, given that it did happen and there’s nothing I can do about that, the fact you understand some of this… It’s sad that there are probably more people out there who are beginning to understand now that we’re at war, it’s not all space phenomena and resupplying colonies anymore in Starfleet, but losing your mum hits different. Especially when you’re a kid. You get it… I… I close my eyes and I don’t know if I’ll see Sofia… (Lavender swallowed) …with her face smashed in… or the Emergency lights of the sickbay on the Manitoba blinking out and I’m trapped, a Jem’hadar locking me in solitary or worse opening to door to give me a beating… or maybe I’ll see my friend Tanya having been stabbed and bleeding out on the floor in our crib… I still see their faces, one, or the other, every time I close my eyes, the Jem’hadar cold and brutal, Tanya, my Mom, the life gone from their face, just staring. Every. Single. Time. That’s why I’m so angry Arin, that’s why I snap. That’s why I hate on the prissy fleet types so much. It’s not fair. I don’t want others to be unhappy but I can’t help hating them for not going through all of this ridiculous shit that I’ve seen, shit they can’t even imagine. They seem so oblivious. You can tell the ones who’ve seen shit, they’re just different, there’s this instant bond, this kind of unspoken understanding that we’re not going to cause each other shit because we know the other has been through it, been through something.”

“Lavender.” Arin said, pausing for effect so she would listen, and looked directly at her. Arin watched the gray flecks in her green eyes. “The difference is when you get to those dark places, I’ll be in your corner to share the pain, wipe the tears, and fight the damned monsters with you.”

Lavender smiled.

“You know when is always, right?” She asked, quietly. There was a new softness about her expression, Arin saw it sometimes when the bravado and the front were forgotten about and Lavender’s walls were down. “Are you okay with that? I won’t blame you if not. And I’m going to try not to take shit out on you I really will. I promise. It’s so hard not to just let it all explode out at someone…”

Arin smirked, “Do you see me running in horror?” Then chuckled. “Damaged goods are how you see yourself. I.  don’t.” Arin said, pausing for effect, and to squeeze her just a bit tighter. “You’re hurt. What my goal is, is to give you love, comfort, support, and friendship.” Arin said, now that all the cards were on the table for both of them.

Arin held her breath without realizing it.

Lavender looked up into the half-Orion’s unique yellow eyes. She felt like with all this exposition and explanation Arin’s response had always been the same, some form or other of ‘I’m here for you and I’m not leaving‘.

“You don’t care why I’m such a dick sometimes, do you. You were all-in at ‘Black lipstick suits you’.” Lavender’s thoughts shifted to sickbay and what Arin had said in her office.

“You really do love me,” she continued with bewildered realisation. It doesn’t matter how much of a handful trauma-riddled pain in the ass I am, does it.”

Arin smiled and chuckled at the lipstick joke finally blowing out her held breath. “It was a bit more than that, but yeah. Came for the beauty, stayed for the attitude. Plus I have to say it’s about time.” She added with a wink. “Yes, Lavender Haigh, I am smitten, gobsmacked, besotted, and a hundred other twisted-up emotions. They all lead back to the inescapable.” Arin paused gathering her thoughts.

“This is not how I wanted to do this by the way. I had plans, dammit.” Arin added, with a smirk “Yes, I love you. It started as a semi-innocent mental wellness check. I wasn’t expecting to find my soulmate.”

“I’m still just surprised you don’t want to blow me out an airlock,” Lavender admitted, her expression still free from its usual artifice. “‘I love you‘ is something Dad used to say the morning after he’d drunkenly beat on mom or me to try to make things better. I never expected when you said it it was actually true. Wow. I wasn’t expecting to find someone who actually likes me. The odds were stacked against, fucking two hundred to one. You go through the same thing so many times, you get to believe you’re just not a person people actually like then you wall yourself off from everyone and just expect isolation. At least I do.”

“Oh, don’t sell yourself short there, purple Penelope.” Arin quipped. “I have those moments when I would like nothing better than to love and simultaneously choke you. But that is what love really is. Knowing yeah, you are a massive pain in the ass. My pain in the ass. The distinction is important. I don’t give up.” Arin said, looking Lavender straight in the eyes.

“This is easier than you think. Don’t lie to me. I won’t lie to you.” Arin said with finality. “Besides wait until I get to tell my dad I am in a relationship with a doctor.”

“Imagine what he’ll be imagining when you say that and then show up with Purple Penelope over here.” Lavender couldn’t help but smile. “I wanna see that look on his face. Shit, I actually like Purple Penelope. Fuck. What are you doing to me?”

“Not what I’d like to be doing with you,” Arin shot back with a smirk. “Mwa ha ha. My sinister trap worked.”

Lavender smirked.

“Alright, wanna get some dinner after? Computer, end programme.” The neon-lit clouds of M’talas Prime were replaced with a yellow grid on black walls.

“After?” Arin said teasingly. “After what?” She added, picking up Lavender’s hand, and kissing it, as they headed out.