(1 day after arriving and unpacking everything…)
—-
Yajat stood in his quarters for the next 2 months until the Vacaville arrived to grab its new Captain, Lucy Sadakat Nurdan, make some repairs after being damaged during their latest utility run and head to Earth – the Vacaville would then dock at McKinley Station before dropping him off and receiving their next assignment.

Yajat wondered what would he do once he returned to Earth. Just then, his viewscreen monitor emitted a notification sound. Curious, he went over and saw it was from the Ramanujan Institute of Mathematics.

The Ramanujan Institute of Mathematics? Why are they contacting me?, he wondered.

He picked up.

“Mister Shamji. We’ve been monitoring you. And we believe you’re the perfect fit for Head of Advanced Mathematics Education.”, the director of the Institute said.

Yajat was taken aback.

A fresh start… at a mathematics institute? Am I dreaming right now?, he thought.

Eventually, he composed himself.

“I accept.”, Yajat responded.

“Good. See you in 3 months.”, the Director said.

The transmission terminated. Yajat was delighted, but he didn’t show it. He then sighed.

2 months. 2 months before I leave Starbase 4.

Little did he know that those 2 months would feel like an eternity…
—-
Personal Log, date: 4th February 2402.

Already 6 days into my stay here in Starbase 4, and I’ve already had to submit a request for heavy-duty soundproofing in my quarters – that’s how bad and frequent the nightmares have become. Hopefully, that request gets approved soon – my ‘neighbors’, although understanding, are losing sleep over this. On a more positive note, however, walking around the starbase has been nice – fresh air somehow calms my nerves. Perhaps a holosuite session that lasts 1-2 hours where I just meditate in oxygen would do me wonders? We’ll see. No friends yet, but someone has mentioned that their son, Erwin Rydenberg, might be the perfect fit. What’s more, he’s also in civilian quarters here – we’ve set up lunch that’s going to be in a few days time, so fingers crossed that works out.

A recent negative development is that my quantum cybernetic heart has been malfunctioning lately at more regular intervals – I can’t fathom why. Dr. Antonov, who has diligently read through every file on the heart I submitted to Starfleet Medical and Academy, has offered me his services. And I have taken him up on his offer – he genuinely sounded like he wanted to help. So, tomorrow, me and Dr. Antonov will be meeting up in Sickbay to see what’s the problem.

As for the nightmares, well… where do I begin? They are mostly the same: my family legally disowning me, Eric and his ‘power teens’ returning with a fiery vengeance and new gangs on the hunt for me. But that last type of nightmare… – I don’t even know where to begin on that. Every night, it changes to a new gang, a different motive, more gruesome methods of bullying and sometimes even torture. I wish I can describe it, but I won’t – for fear of not triggering another panic attack, which is a side-effect of these nightmares. Other symptoms I’ve quickly noticed are that: my sense of awareness has skyrocketed to levels such that it looks like borderline paranoia, heightened reflexes and a deeper mistrust of people in general, which explains the lack of friends. I fear there’ll be more symptoms throughout the rest of my stay, but for now those are the ones I have discovered.

Finally, sleep quality has gone down the drain ever since the nightmares restarted. Quantity so far is offsetting that, but it’s only a matter of time before it shows – after all, quality is more important than quantity, as the saying goes.

End personal log for 6th February 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 24th February 2402.

Well, the 20 days since my last personal log have been… highly eventful, suffice it to say. Goodness, where do I begin?

Let’s start on a positive note, shall we? That lunch between me and Erwin went great. We ended up going out a lot and got to know each other quite well. Then, Erwin went to his parents and surprisingly said he would like to move into my quarters. They agreed, so he asked me. I was quite shocked – the friendship had only been, like, a week old at the time. But then, he said he had no other friends growing up, and I was the first friend he made. Honestly, despite the fact I was a near-sociopath, that chipped against the metaphorical anvil just that little bit. So, I caved in. That was the right decision – we’re now as inseparable as a binary star system. Erwin’s… changed my outlook on emotions, I must say. I still want to get rid of them, but not as heavily as when I met with Counselor Jinean. I’ve told Erwin everything about my past – he has suggested I still need another emotional support mechanism to start healing and I do agree. He said it has to be a pet, but he doesn’t know which one.

A pet…

The same thing I told Counselor Jinean…

shakes head.

Goodness. Sometimes, my mind still wanders to the few weeks I spent at the Academy – painful to think about.

On another positive note, I’ve started blending my walking with the oxygen meditation I mentioned in my previous personal log. Honestly, the amount of pure oxygen a holosuite can produce is astounding – I struggled to breathe in the first 2 sessions. But, I’ve slowly adjusted to it. 2 hours of oxygen meditation really does calm the nerves – something I need, given my fragile state.

And speaking of my fragile state, here’s the first negative note of this personal log – my nightmares are getting worse each night. It would have been much worse had Erwin not been around, but it’s becoming unbearable. Luckily, the heavy-duty soundproofing got installed – I’m now yelling every 10 minutes due to the frequency of the nightmares getting ratcheted up every night or every 2 nights. On top of that, the profuse sweating and heart malfunctions are back, and worse than before. I even have some new symptoms: goosebumps, rashes and even 2 minutes after the dream where I just can’t move. All of them are annoying, although I will admit at least the 3rd new symptom keeps me semi-safe and allows Erwin to wake up and start tending to me, even though I keep telling him not to because he works and needs more sleep than me.

Another negative note is that the quantum cybernetic heart I designed needs an update surgery. Sourcing materials, creating parts and creating the new mechanisms required is hard enough in my current mental and physical state. Add the fact I need to be fully concentrated and my hands are starting to shake every time, and this is not looking good.

Also, my nightmares have caused a new symptom to pop up: gradual isolation. I don’t know how gradual the isolation is going to creep up on me or what further symptoms these nightmares have in store for me, but it’s not looking good. Finally, the variety of nightmares I’m getting exposed to now fluctuate constantly, so the paranoia has pretty much set in my mind the moment I go to sleep, which has resulted in poorer sleep quality and a decline in sleep quality – very bad.

sighs.

End personal log, 20th February 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 23rd February 2402.

The last 3 days have been… bad, to sum it up nicely. A more accurate description, and analogy, was that I fell off a mental and psychological cliff since my last previous log.

21st February 2402, one specific nightmare completely turned a positive day upside down. I mean, I can’t even describe the whole thing, only parts of it. And Erwin said I had to go to Sickbay since it looks like my heart got affected during that time – not ideal – on top of blood sweat forming. Since when does blood sweat exist now?!. And sometimes, I wonder why I’m still alive. But, anyways, I digress. What I do know is that: the nightmare was about Eric and his ‘power teens’, that they somehow got their vengeance using quite a lot of… instruments and that I think I had another legal case to battle again. I’m telling you, the Bergvall Incident still wracks me to this day, but the nightmare I had would be worse…

22nd February 2402, I noticed a stalker. Now, I managed to evade him and have an average day. Nothing wrong, right? Nope. A Starfleet security officer came in with Erwin in the evening – turns out the stalker was a body parts smuggler. A body parts smuggler who wanted my quantum cybernetic heart. I swear I wanted to throw something across the quarters. I do praise the security officer for just simply putting my hands behind my back in a clasp – don’t know what would’ve happened otherwise. So, looks like my paranoia is now semi-justified. I expect that to skyrocket even further after today.

And today, I finally underwent my quantum cybernetic heart’s update surgery and have just come back from it – it took up nearly the entire day due to lots of complications, missteps and everything else in between. But, ultimately, it was a success. The updated quantum cybernetic heart has semi-rigid skin in the region in and surrounding it – a strange sensation to feel considering we all don’t want to be like a Borg or an android. But I suppose that’s the price I pay now. The new nano-clicking is actually soothing – I thought it’d be irritable – and is helping to combat my nightmares. The quantum shockwaves, ripples and humming are also helping. So, although I have fallen off a mental and psychological cliff, I’m slowly finding my way back up…

End Personal Log, 23rd February 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 1st March 2402.

The last 3 days have been… uneventful. That’s because, after 3 average days, I’ve had to confine myself to quarters since the 26th of February after that body parts smuggler broke in the middle of the night – I don’t know how – to try and get my heart. Luckily, I was tinkering with my custom phaser because I couldn’t sleep. As a result, we had a staring competition and I won, given that Security were alerted very quickly. Cue my paranoia going into overdrive. Luckily, my brain has plenty of things to do, even when in self-confinement. Kal-Toh, 3D chess, Strategema, tinkering, stargazing/astronomy, mathematics – all of it is keeping me occupied. Right now, my custom phaser is set up, ready for Phase 20 of the tinkering. It’s a lot, but I hope it allows me to get through the last 27 days of my stay here.

Oh, and the nightmares are slowly turning into one type – my family legally disowning me. Maybe it has something to do with my updated quantum cybernetic heart, but we’ll see.

End Personal Log, 1st March 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 15th March 2402.

2 weeks later, and not much has changed. Not getting bored, but Erwin is very much worried about my mental health. I haven’t mentioned him as much in my last personal logs because, well, he’s just been in the background. But, a few days ago, he got stabbed in the abdomen. Nothing major, but I knew I had to come out of self-confinement to meet him in Sickbay. I took the most obscure and most longwinded route I could – I swear my paranoia was nearing its all time peak throughout my stay here during my walk. I entered Sickbay just as they released him. We chatted a little bit about his health before I took him down the same route I used. Erwin just knew why and nonchalantly went along with it.

I swear, since I met him on the 7th of February, we’ve quickly formed a friendship. I don’t know whether I should ask him to join me in going to Earth, but I’ll probably ask in a few days.

But, once again, I digress.

Back to our obscure walk, Erwin kept squeezing my left hand gently whenever my paranoia perked up. And, it turns out, it was justified. Just as we entered our quarters and locked it, I heard running footsteps and a phaser being fired. Bet it was another body parts smuggler who wanted my heart. Another price I have to pay to safeguard my life – being on the radar of such… villainous people like body parts smugglers and sellers.

Now, I just need to survive the last 13 days of my stay here and, hopefully, get Erwin to come with me as a bonus.

sighs.

End Personal Log, 15th March 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 18th March 2402.

Well, happy news – Erwin’s joining me!

Huh, joy – an emotion I’ve tried to suppress. I truly suppose finding Erwin wass the first step for me in my healing process. Speaking of, a few different emotions have now broken free of the anvil I built for so long – fear, concern, anxiety and now, obviously, joy.

Anyways, I digress. Again. I need to cut these out.

Now, Erwin talked to his parents and they’re finally happy that he has a friend and to let the medical staff take care of them – they’re in their mid-80’s and don’t have long left. I’ve met them twice and, despite my near-sociopath tendencies being more prominent back then, they could see me for who I really was – an immensely broken young man who never got yet needed emotional support.

In the meantime, those nightmares keep haunting me every single night, although not as prominently as before. The frequency has gone down and the yelling no longer occurs – it’s a simple jolt into reality now, so I’ve requested that they switch the heavy-duty soundproofing to something lighter until I leave – hopefully, that gets approved.

I’ll admit, it’s like a supernova has exploded in my mind and me and Erwin are trying to make a new star out of it, a new me, but we’re missing some elements, some key pieces.

Another tangent. Goodness, need to stop going off like that.

Anyways, I’ve been reading up on the Vacaville’s new captain, Lucy Sadakat Nurdan. I personally don’t think we’ll get along, but we’ll just have to see when the ship arrives.

10 days. And, then I’m off to Earth with my best friend…

End Personal Log, 18th March 2402.
—-
Personal Log, 25th March 2402.

It would have been an average and uneventful week – apart from our packing up, which is hectic – if it weren’t for the body parts smugglers. They got bolder every day. Security Officers were suggesting we get a shuttle to leave, but I had to explain that I had some volatile belongings that can only be stored safely on a starship. It was nothing dangerous, of course, but I let them have their assurances by showing them it. They were satisfied after that. Plus, I pointed out that even if there weren’t any volatile belongings, by the time we were done, we’d need a starship’s cargo bay anyways. So, we stayed. Kidnappings, attacks, violence – they tried every single tactic within the book of dishonour. And one of them was a Klingon. It doesn’t make any sense – a true Klingon would be a warrior or at least ply a respectable trade. But this Klingon clearly doesn’t understand the concepts of honour, dignity, respect and everything else that makes the Klingon Empire a warrior-like institution.

As for our packing up, we’re about 70-75% of the way there. Hopefully, we finish before the Vacaville comes.

Now, got to help Erwin pack up his precious painting – very delicate! This will be the last personal loge before I board the Vacaville with Erwin.

End Personal Log, 25th March 2402.
—-
(28th March 2402…)

As Yajat and Erwin stared at the quarters they spent 1.5 months, reminiscing about their time on the starbase, Yajat spoke.

“You know, I never thought I’d be able to heal, make a friend – especially a best friend – and just… be myself with someone without having to reach for my near-sociopathic tendencies.”, Yajat said.

“And I never thought I’d make friends with quite literally Starbase 4’s ‘Antisocial Ghost’, of all people.”, Erwin said.

“Huh?”, Yajat quizzically said.

“Yeah, the entire Starbase has given you that moniker.”, Erwin responded.

“They’ll probably be glad I’m leaving.”, Yajat said whilst shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Erwin burst into a fit of laughter. When he recovered, he spoke:

“The first joke you have pulled off successfully. You’re finally understanding the concept of humour.”, he positively said.

“Perhaps. But one small step at a time, Erwin.”, Yajat said.

“Always, Yaj. Always.”, Erwin teased.

“Stop calling me by my truncated first name…”, Yajat said.

“What? I like it. Plus, you need some sort of nickname, and this resonated with me the most.”, Erwin responded.

“You’re never going to stop saying that, are you?”, Yajat questioned.

“No. I’ll keep saying it till my death. And it’ll be mentioned once in my funeral – by you. Mark my words.”, Erwin jubilantly declared.

“Oh, boy.”, Yajat groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose again.

As Erwin burst into another fit of laughter and was recovering from it, a male Security Officer approached them.

SO: “Your belongings are all packed?”
Yajat: “Yes.”
SO: “Good. The Vacaville‘s repairs will be finished in 5 minutes and depart in 10 minutes.”
Yajat: “Thanks for informing us.”

As the Security Officer left Yajat and Erwin, the latter asked Yajat: “We’re going to start a new future together, right?”

Yajat looked one more time at the civilian quarters he called home for 2 months before responding: “Together.”

With that, he left, the quarter’s doors sealing themselves shut.

And as they walked towards the Vacaville‘s docking area, there was one thing that was guaranteed:

Their friendship wasn’t an ordinary one. And each member will fight to the death to protect the other. Their future lied ahead of them, and they were going to go for it together, all the way until the very end…